info@fmy.org.uk
01904 639767Why do couples split up after Christmas?
It seems an unlikely statistic but counselling services report that they are most busy with requests for help from couples early in January.
We think there are probably 3 reasons:
• First reason: Every one was looking forward to Christmas - hopes were high. It was going to be so good having the family together. This would be the best yet. My Mum and Dad are staying over.... It’s the first time we’ve cooked the Christmas dinner.....The children are so excited..... we got them what they asked for and can’t wait to see their faces when they open their presents! Etc Etc. But perhaps it didn’t quite work out the way we imagined! Perhaps some things were a disappointment? Perhaps we ended up blaming each other and having a row! It’s part of life when our expectations, hopes and dreams come tumbling down. But don’t underestimate disappointment! It can really get under our skin and sometimes the person who gets the brunt of our hurt and anger is our partner!
• Second reason: Perhaps it all went brilliantly but someone overspent and now we are worried about the bills and blaming each other! This is a very common problem. Sometimes we get carried away with Christmas and other expenses can get overlooked. It’s terribly easy to blame the other person 'You always.......!' 'You never.....!'
• Third reason: Underlying strains in a relationship come to a head when we have more time. Over the holiday period having more time together can lead to us raising issues that we have shelved while we have been busy with work. Now that we have raised the issues, we are struggling to work them through. This problem looks worst of all, yet it is probably really positive. All couples have issues that need sorting BUT we are so busy! There is never a good time to discuss it sensibly and so we put it off till later. Or we don’t want to “rock the boat”. We know our partner might get angry so we avoid the issue in the hope that it will just go away by itself. Actually the fact that we have argued can be healthy. It’s a very clear sign that we need to discuss and understand each other’s point of view.
Family Matters York helps couples to work through issues and build stronger relationships. We do not offer counselling but concentrate on practical solutions and effective communication tools.
Contact us for more information about how we can help.
www.fmy.org.uk or phone 01904 639767
Written by:
Philippa Beardmore
Thursday, 05 January 2012
at 14:47
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